she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dicks are not precious.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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