I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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