that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
