I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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