you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
