At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
