chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
someone owes me an orgasm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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