So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just crazy horny about you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
