you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
