we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
