i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
