No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Will exercising make me less horny?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
