Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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