so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
