i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
