After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We need to get me chipped asap
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
