I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So vagazzling was a success
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