You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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