Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
