And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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