So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
