high people should be assigned attendants
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize