Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
