You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
