Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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