No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
