Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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