dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got inside last night via doggy door
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
