The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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