fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
