I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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