Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
