every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
