Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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