I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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