Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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