when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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