Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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