there's paper in my vomit.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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