my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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