oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
