Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
