doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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