I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
