The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
PS: I just woke up from my shower
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
