Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
