You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
