you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
