Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize