I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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