I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
