Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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