Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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