I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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