hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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