Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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