Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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