I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
