I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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