There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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