I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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