So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
