She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
