Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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