In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's blow job season.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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