At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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