Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
