I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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