carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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