Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
