I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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