the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
